Martha, Martha, Martha

Further to the Mature Woman magazine dropping through the door before Christmas, today I recieved LX Direct - a mail order clothes mag for women sized 16+. Is someone playing a cruel joke on me... or did my parents really just give me a fat old woman's name?

Ah, what a great teacher I must be...

One bright spark in year nine wrote this in his exam:
What is a Near Death Experience?
When you go out and get run over by a bus but you don't die
What hidden meaning might there be?
That you should of (sic) stayed at home